A Travellerspoint blog

By this Author: jessp2386

Searching for Source: the book!

Chapter One: Wake Up!

I was your average person. I paid my taxes. I had a great job. I went to church on Sundays. I believed America had done some not-so-good things in the world, but I also really believed it to be the best place to live. I didn’t think about where my trash went when I left it outside to be picked up. I liked to read People magazine while I gossiped and got my nails done. I occasionally ate at McDonalds. I turned on lights in my home without ever thinking about where electricity came from. I watched American Idol. I liked to get into debates with friends about issues that didn’t affect my life, usually while slightly intoxicated. I assumed that when you bought vegetables at the grocery store, they were healthy. Most of my week was spent in front of a screen, at work and at home. I relished vacation time, when I could sit by the beach in Mexico while locals served me drinks all day. I shopped at Target and had too many cheap dresses, made by people in countries that I never thought about. I feared death.

I was very comfortable. But for some reason, my life felt empty and meaningless.

All this was true about me… until it wasn’t anymore. I went through a whirlwind of spiritual and personal growth and came out a very different person. Or maybe a better way of putting it, I came out more “me” than I was before. This is the story I’m about to tell you. And what I’m about to share with you may shock you or inspire you. Regardless, I am compelled to tell it because this story isn’t really mine at all. It’s really the only story there is in life. It’s the Hero’s Journey; it’s a term coined by Joseph Campbell a few decades ago, but it’s a notion much older than any one of us. It’s the story that we humans have been telling from the beginning of time all over the world from indigenous myths to Hollywood plots. The Hero’s Journey is a tale of discovery and transformation from within, of ups and downs, of suffering and learning and growing. A journey that is essential for anyone who wants to be truly alive.

Yet at the same time, this story is unique to me. And at some point along my journey, I realized I was a divine creation of God, the Source of All Life, perfect even in my own imperfection, and one with everyone and everything in the Universe. I was an eternal, unlimited, multidimensional being just having a human experience. My entire “life” was just an illusion. And I could change it, by changing the way I looked at my life. I could be a victim to life’s circumstances or I could be the staring role, the Hero, in my life. Throughout this journey, I realized I wanted to do something different and give meaning to this life that I had at my finger tips. I wanted to love my life and experience pure unending happiness, peace and bliss, and then share that with the world.

Okay, so this realization didn’t happen overnight, and neither did this story. It sounds pretty now, but it was a long, and I mean long, process. And I’m far from done. Here’s how it began. Let’s rewind about six or seven years ago to the year 2008, when I received four tomato plants from my husband’s parents. My boyfriend, Tracy, and I had just moved into our new house in Kansas City, MO. I felt great! This was the life. I had a great job, a great boyfriend (hopefully soon to be husband, shhh…don’t tell him that yet), and now a great house. We were living the American dream.

Anyway, back to those pesky tomatoes. Now I didn’t know at the time that they would alter the course of my life forever. But they did. At the time, I also didn’t know that the average store-bought tomato contained nearly 30 different pesticides, fungicides, and chemical fertilizers. To be honest, I didn’t know anything about growing plants or our food system in America. Living what I thought was the “American dream,” I didn’t realize that soon my whole world would be turned upside down by a few tomato plants. When I planted these tomatoes in our new backyard, I just thought I was having some fun. But then I began exploring with other vegetables and fruits. I was like a child again, mesmerized at the wonder of nature. It was a joy to see a little bud open up to a delicate flower, and then transform before my eyes into a tiny fruit that then swelled to a plump ripe tomato. And who would have known, when you grow them yourself, they taste better too! After that first summer, little did I know at that time, when I begin sowing seeds in our great Mother Earth, she began sowing seeds in me.

This began my awakening. With eyes wide open, I began to learn of the atrocities that are happening on our planet. Multi-billion dollar companies like Monsanto and Syngenta are raping and pillaging our great Earth, all in the name of the dollar, their bottom line. From the seed to our tables, these companies have tainted every aspect of the food system. First, creating Franken-crops in laboratories that are then heavily sprayed with chemicals (also created by them), killing the other plants and animals around, and finally, slowly seeping into our bodies, bit by bit, fueling their need for a society that is slightly more sick and more obese than it ought to be. Striving to make food cheaper, they have sacrificed everything, our children, our health and the only home we have, this planet. I was appalled. How did I not known this earlier!? How had I let myself go so long unaware and ignorant to these facts? Most importantly, what could I do now?!

I felt compelled to grow as much food as possible. My husband and I began converting our quarter acre backyard in Kansas City, Missouri into an organic oasis of food, full of vegetables, fruits, and herbs. If we could grow it in our region, we would try. We even had some success growing plants that shouldn’t grow in Missouri, like artichokes. The more I worked in our garden, the more connected I became to the land, and the more I saw through this system that has been build to keep us disconnected from our food source. When I would be gardening, Tracy, my husband, would sometimes have to remind me to eat. I could spend hours upon hours in the “zone” of gardening. Something spoke to my soul when I was with those plants. I talked to them, I treated them like my children, and they nourished a part of me that had been dead for most of my life.

I grew up in big cities and didn’t have much exposure to gardening when I was young. The only exposure I did have was with my grandmother on my mom’s side, who grew vegetables in her tiny California backyard. I remember helping her pick green beans and tomatoes, but it never got much further than that. I was raised mostly on McDonalds and tater tots, so fresh vegetables were something I didn’t want much to do with. I did get to spend quite a bit of my youth going on nature hikes and seeing the vast array of southern California’s ecosystems. They are some of my fondest memories as a child, yet when I think back on it, there was a definitive boundary set between nature and myself. The message was clear; nature and I were separate. It was not part of me. It was simply something to enjoy, nothing more. So when I started to realize that humans could actually be connected with plants and animals, it was as if a whole new world was being revealed to me that was right in front of me all along. I started to get an inkling that something was missing in my life, yet it would be years later before I realized what that was.

This revelation began a ripple effect in my life. Things I had always accepted and deemed “normal” were starting to seem more and more unnatural, which then lead me to the question: how could something so unnatural become normal in our world today? Once I discovered the truths about our food system in America, my gardening endeavor led to a larger discovery to how we, as a whole nation, were living in every aspect of our lives. As I became closer to the Earth and nature, I realized how far we’d fallen from how I believed people were meant to be living. I began reading and learning more about the corruption of our government, which is largely controlled by big businesses and banks. I started making connections between every aspect of life in America, from the food system to the treatment of the land to the “dumbing down” of the education system to the healthcare system to the breakdown of family and community. To make a long story short, it was sickening to me. I felt like I was living in a system and culture that intentionally poisons its people and only favors the wealthiest individuals while trying to keep the rest of us distracted, sick, and disconnected.

This feeling crystallized for me when I was sitting in the Denver airport in 2010. I was on my way home from visiting my sister in Washington, and I was reading Michael Pollen’s book, “The Omnivore’s Dilemma.” Now if you haven’t read this book, it details the nature of our destructive food system. In it, he shows that basically all modern processed food can be traced back to GMO corn. GMO stands for Genetically Modified Organism. There are now multiple strains of GMO corn in our food today. Some resist heavy pesticides sprayed on them like Round-Up, others actually kill any bug that tries to eat it, essentially becoming a pesticide. So if you’re eating a burger, it probably came from a cow that was fed with GMO corn; if you’re drinking a soda, it probably has high fructose corn syrup in it and that’s also made from GMO corn. Even if you just buy plain old sweet corn on the cob, well that might be GMO too.

Anyway, I was reading about this at the airport waiting for my plane, and at that precise moment, I looked across the way from me. Sitting across from me was a family of three, father, daughter and son. Each one of them had a super-sized soda, a bag of fast food, a laptop, a smart phone, and two of them had iPads out. I was floored! Here in front of me was the picture perfect image of what America has become. Tears instantly began welling up in my eyes. These were human beings, unknowingly poisoning themselves, becoming numb to their true nature, and distracting themselves with whatever new shiny thing is before their eyes. My heart ached for them. Oh how I wanted to yell, “Wake up! You’re worth so much more than this.” But that wouldn’t do me or them much good. I’d probably get weird looks and kindly excused away. What could I do? I felt trapped and hopeless.

Posted by jessp2386 09:20 Archived in USA Tagged book life wake_up searching_for_source chapter_one Comments (0)

I believe we all have a higher purpose...

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I believe we all have a higher purpose in this life, one that stems from our Divine Origins, and it is greater than any career, any material thing, or anyone for that matter. Over the last few years, a veil has been lifted before my eyes, and I, along with my husband and son, have realized what that purpose is for our family. Over the last two years, we have traveled across the world in search of the Source of all Life, yet ended up finding it only within ourselves. And now, we feel “a fire in our bellies” to embody, to manifest, our dream into our reality.

This comes at a time when our world is increasingly being destroyed on many levels. We have been taught to believe that competition is our nature and we must struggle to survive. Because of this, our planet, our home, is being ravaged in the name of capitalism. All the while, humans are becoming more and more disconnected from each other, from Spirit, and from nature. Yet, there is hope. I know that things can change for the better. More people are waking up to what is happening on our planet. Humans are waking up to their true potential. We are realizing that we are all connected and we are all interdependent. When our planet suffers, so do we. When the animals suffer, so do we. And most of all, when we allow the suffering of other human beings, so do we. So what does this mean for me and for you? I have woken up and am ready to put into action what my purpose is. We are all connected, and I need your help.

To begin, I’d like to introduce myself and my family. My name is Jessica Parks. My husband is Tracy and my son is Elijah. About two years ago, we were your average American family. We had a nice house, two cars, and great jobs. But there was something missing. Our life lacked meaning. Then after the birth of our son, Elijah, in 2012, we came to the conclusion that we couldn’t raise him this way. Something had to change. We had to change. So we decided to sell or give away everything we owned down to one backpack and travel in search for the Source of Life. We traveled to Peru and back, and then across the entire United States. We weren’t quite sure what we were looking for; nothing seemed to satisfy us completely. Don’t get me wrong, we saw a lot of amazing people and communities changing the way they were living to be more sustainable and more in line with their values and with the Earth. And it inspired us, but it wasn’t until we were holed up in an apartment in the winter that we began to find what we were looking for. We begin to look within ourselves. And that’s when we discovered true happiness and the Source of Life! We learned that we could be happy anywhere, and we could create the reality that we dreamed of!

So with that, we are now living in northeast Missouri. This area of the country attracted us, as there are a number of sustainable intentional communities here, like the Possibility Alliance and Dancing Rabbit. My husband, Tracy, is a licensed counselor and currently providing therapy to individuals and families in Kirksville, MO, while I am staying at home with Elijah and growing an abundance of vegetables and fruits at our rental place. All the while we are patiently waiting for Source to provide us with the perfect piece of land and resources for us to begin creating our vision. My family and I are dedicated to creating a sustainable, modern homestead, a model of what life can be like, if we work together and if we work with the Creation all around us. Our vision is threefold. The first component is the homestead itself. We will create a modern homestead incorporating plants, animals, renewable energy, and the synergy of ancient wisdom with new permaculture concepts. We want to be a model of what is possible and how regular families can live more in line with their values and with all of Creation.

The second component is community outreach and education. To do this, we will offer organic, nutritious food to our local community with prices that are less than or equal to conventional food. This would be done with farm to table dinners at the homestead or with a stand or food truck at local markets. Our goal is not to make money; our goal is use good food as a way to invite our community to learn about sustainable farming, “beyond organic” food, and ethical business models.

The final and third component of our vision is a healing or retreat center. This is the most critical piece. Just as my husband and I began healing when we dug our hands in the Earth for the first time, we want others to experience that too. There will be no TV, no internet, and no distractions, just the quiet whisper of nature and Spirit. And a whole lot of farming and fun too. I believe that when we take away all the distractions and devices of mainstream life, most people are left with an emptiness that desires to be filled. That is where Spirit comes in and really fulfills that longing. Our healing center would offer individuals or families a stay on our homestead, so that they could experience what they really need. Maybe that includes milking a cow each day or digging in the dirt. Maybe it includes quiet meditation. Maybe it includes doing some therapy or tapping (EFT) to release past trauma. Maybe it just includes being with others and really connecting to one another over a meal. Whatever the case may be, I know that the experience will heal the individual because that’s what Spirit does. Spirit, God, Source, whatever you call it, it is pure love; it’s where we came from and where we can go back to. Pure love only knows how to restore and heal.

As I come to an end, I want to ask you if this vision resonates with your higher Self, your Spirit? My family and I have an abundance of love, creativity and passion to put this vision into action. And we are looking for someone who feels a similar calling to use their resources to move our world towards a better future. Maybe you can’t come live on the homestead with us, but rather have an abundance of financial resources that could help fund this vision. It takes all kinds and all people to bring our world into a new way of being. We are all connected and we all desperately need each other, if we want to see humanity flourish to its highest potential. So if this rings true to you, please connect with us. We are ready now, and we’d be more than happy to go into many more details about our vision and about ourselves. I am actually writing an entire book about it, detailing our physical journey and my spiritual journey that brought us to this vision. Whether it’s buying land, funding just one piece of the vision, or just offering advice, we are open to accepting any resources that you have in abundance and want to funnel towards creating a new, Spirit-filled, world.

In Gratitude,

Jessica, Tracy and Elijah Parks

Posted by jessp2386 12:51 Archived in USA Tagged food change god community faith farming search vision spirit missouri source homestead sustainable organic abundance connected Comments (0)

Coming Full Circle

Know Thyself, Know God

I thought of this analogy today. God is the composer and conductor of the orchestra of Life. As the composer, I think it’s fairly self explanatory. He “composed” us; He made us and everything in this Universe. But then he gave us free will. This is where the conductor part comes in. The individual instruments and those playing them can do their own thing. They don’t have to follow what music was written for them and they don’t have to pay attention to the conductor guiding them. However, when they don’t, the music sounds awful and there is no harmony. When they do listen to the conductor and play their individual piece to the flow of the entire orchestra, the most beautiful music can be produced. The same goes for Life. We have free will and can do whatever we want. But when we choose to align our will with God’s will, it truly is so much better. How do I know this? Because I am experiencing it. I feel as if every moment is a gift from God. I don’t have to worry because I know Spirit is flowing through me. I am floating effortlessly through Life, with total faith and surrender, as I dance and play my music in the orchestra that is this Universe. I can actually feel the vibrations of love as they flow through me and touch others. I am elated, even as I do simple tasks, like make tortillas or play with Elijah. Nothing can phase me or throw me off my melody because I am truly One with God, the Creator, and I am paying attention to the Conductor of Life.

Now I am not perfect either. Far from it, actually. There are days when I don’t feel like this. Yet, this feeling of Oneness and Divine Love is becoming more and more the norm, not the fleeting exception. However, when I don’t feel the love, and my old habits sneak in, the difference now is, I don’t beat myself up over it. I let it go and love myself anyway. That’s being human, right? We make mistakes and we learn from them. I don’t dwell on them and I definitely don’t let them run my life or define me. It’s the most empowering feeling in the world. To know that I can choose how I feel and can choose what I let into my consciousness. At any moment, I can choose to align myself with God, again and again, however often I mess up. God is always forgiving, and now, so am I.

So how did I get to this point? It’s been a long journey, to say the least. We traveled to Peru and back, and then across the whole United States, and we actually weren’t much closer to finding our perfect place to live or to finding God. So what happened? We stopped traveling and settled in an apartment in Eugene, OR. When we finally stopped searching outside of ourselves, the only place left to look was within ourselves. So that’s what I did. I had always known, in my head, that “happiness only comes from within,” but I didn’t know it at all with my heart or my soul. Now I finally understand what that means.

Happiness really does only come from within!

I was never going to be happy anywhere, until I could be happy wherever I was.

I emptied myself of my attachments and deflated my ego along our journey, only to feel quite empty and hopeless. It was at this moment (which was actually like a 3-6 month period), that I could be truly filled with Spirit. And once that happens, real happiness and real love could fill my entire Being and Soul. Again, this actually didn’t happen in one single aha! moment, but many fleeting ones. Until finally, I was able to start reprogramming my body, mind, and soul to be in alignment with one another and to reflect my true values and God’s Will on a daily basis. It took time and effort to actively “catch” negative thought patterns. It took a “letting go” of old, unconscious reactions to trigger situations. It took practice to be present, checking every thought and feeling. But it couldn’t be done without God, Spirit, inside of me, fueling me from within. The calming Presence of Spirit was finally able to shine through enough to help overcome years of unconscious programmed living. It’s through constant prayer, calling on Spirit moment by moment (even for the smallest of things, like opening a jar), daily meditation, and positive affirmations that I am finally seeing results of my “work,” which is actually more of un-work, more of a surrendering, a giving in to Spirit. I am finally realizing what it means to be a co-creator with God. He made us into creators, in His image, but not to create on our own, but through Him.

I believe our reality will reflect the quality of the questions we ask in Life. If we ask to know Jesus, we’ll know Jesus. If we ask to know Krishna, we’ll know Krishna. If we ask, “Why me?!” we’ll surely suffer. If we ask for a “good” job and money, that’s what we’ll get too. And so on, it goes. Jesus said, “Ask and you shall receive.” He wasn’t joking. If we ask to know the Source of All Life, we will know it. I didn’t realize that at the beginning of my journey, I actually said in our first blog postings that we were asking to find the Source of All Life, God, the Creator. I don’t think I realized what an enormous undertaking that would include. There has been much suffering and learning involved. And I am far, far from done. I have asked a question that will continue to be answered for the rest of this Life. I feel like I am learning new things every single day and it is so exciting. I have a passion for life right now that it sometimes brings me to tears in the most random times. I am truly happy with myself, with my life, with everyone around me, with this exact moment. Words cannot convey the “fire in my belly” that I am feeling! I wish that every single person and being on this planet could experience this. I feel compelled to share it with the world. I believe this is what Jesus was taking about when he said that we could be like Him, and that He wanted us to make disciples in His way. I heard somewhere that Jesus didn’t actually hang out with prostitutes and beggars because He didn’t see prostitutes and beggars. He saw the Divinity in everyone and everything around Him. We can be like that too.

Imagine a world where everyone was completely free to truly do exactly what they loved, what they are really passionate about, what makes them feel as if time stands still. Imagine what the world would be like if we all played our unique instrument in the orchestra of Life. It would be a much different world than the one we live in now. Right now, it sounds like chaos, but I am beginning to hear a slight melody arising. Things are changing. We are not all here to do the same thing or play the same instrument, but we all are here for a purpose and we all have a place in the Orchestra. I know this world is possible because I can imagine it. And that’s where it starts, with an idea. Everything in this world started with an idea. So even if you don’t have an idea and can’t imagine this world I speak of, you can always ask a question. What if everyone had unlimited possibilities and potential available to them to live out their wildest dreams, right now? What would that world look like?

So without further ado, we have some big news. We are moving to northern Missouri to live on five acres of land, near the Possibility Alliance, an intentional community we visited last May. We are being given the opportunity to live our dream of homesteading, living simply, and being One with God's Creation. We are so excited, and yet sad to be leaving Eugene. We truly enjoyed our time here, and have made live-long friends, who will hopefully be able to visit us someday on our farm. This is where we'll be able to live out everything we learned along this inward journey. We won't have many of the comforts of modern living and it will be difficult, to say the least, but we know this is our call, our purpose in this life. We need to live "Spirit Embodied in the Flesh." The ultimate human experience for us is one of both the Divine and the Earth. We will only have God to rely on and we are excited. Our convictions of living off the land, reducing our carbon footprint, "living locally to support globally," and to serve God's greatest Creation, Nature, are finally emerging into our reality. Once we let Spirit fill us, we knew it was only a matter of time. We had complete faith that the perfect piece of land would come to us, and it did. To be honest, we didn't think it would be in Missouri, but that's the exciting part of all of this. You never know what God's up to! He always has something better for us than we could ever imagine. So the next chapter for us is about to begin, in one short month, we'll be heading back to Missouri, where all of this started for. We'll come full circle physically, but spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, we are forever changed.

Here's some pictures to remember Eugene with!

Posted by jessp2386 15:26 Archived in USA Comments (1)

New Beginnings

Eugene, OR

So it seems we’ve been getting worse about keeping up on our blog. Life just happens and all of a sudden it’s been four months already! Well, our life has sure has been a roller coaster, to say the least, over the past couple months. In our last blog, we were in Portland. Well, we had a wonderful time there, but felt the call to keep going south to visit one more intentional community called Circle of Children near Eugene, OR. Long story short, anything can sound amazing on a website. Sadly, in reality, Circle of Children was far from amazing….we ended up leaving after two long days, even though we had just trekked across half the country to see this place, ugghhhh. A bit depressing, huh?

So we headed into the nearest town, Eugene, to gather our puzzled thoughts. Why had we felt so drawn to come all this way to end up like this? Only God knows. We still don’t, that’s for sure. Anyway, since then, we’ve stayed a number of places nearby. First, it was with an elderly couple who invited us into their home after meeting them at a farmers market. Then we work-traded in exchange for an RV spot at a local hostel. All the while, we were visiting other intentional communities around the area. None in particular sparked our interest or had any openings until we visited Heart-Culture Farm Community. Now, it wasn’t glamorous, organized, or particularly sustainable, but it had potential. 33 acres of farm land, with almost none of it being used. All of sudden, ideas of food forests, permaculture gardens, animal-crop rotation systems were dancing through our heads! So we decided to stay. And that’s where we were for the last three months.

Community life definitely isn't easy. The ideals of living in community are confronted with the reality of living in community. We realized even more about ourselves, about living with others, and about what we are really looking for in community. This has been a tremendous learning experience for us, in terms of personal, spiritual, and interpersonal growth. And we’re still learning to let go when it’s necessary and follow the signs that God is giving us.

With that said (and not going into the gory details), we decided to leave that community. We realized it was a learning experience, but definitely not the place for us to live long term. There was a possibility that we were going to get an apartment at another nearby intentional community near here, Lost Valley, but that didn’t work out (and possibly for the best). So we are now living in a 2 bedroom apartment near downtown Eugene. We are really close to parks, the Wiliamette River, and local markets. It's also been great to feel "normal" again, to have a home base. We're definitely not the wandering types. We've enjoyed getting to know the area, attending a local church and becoming part of that community, and trying to meet like-minded people in Eugene. Since here though, we have been on a couple mini-vacations to the Oregon coast and up to Seattle for Jessica's cousin's wedding (we took the train!). Now, it seems a new journey has begun for us, one of rebirth and rebuilding.

So it may seem silly that we left our home and garden in Kansas City to just end up in an apartment in another US city. To many, it seems we have actually back-tracked in our life’s journey; there was a point we were wondering the same thing. However, this journey has provided us with more personal and spiritual growth than we could have ever done had we stayed in Kansas City. So we don’t have our farm yet, or even a garden, but we also know that we’re not done yet. This point in our journey is a stepping stone for something greater. We’re not sure what yet, but we know that something is coming. We will be farming and homesteading in the next few years, we’re just not sure where. Right now, we’re working on centering ourselves and connecting with God and others.

Our living situation aside, here's a little update about each one of us!

Tracy got a job as a counselor at a local non-profit. He's been there for a little over two months now and loves it. He really realized how much he missed counseling and is happy to be back helping people. He is also working on getting his license to do private practice here in Oregon. It's been a change having him away most of the day, but we're getting used to it. Elijah usually starts talking about dada an hour or so before he comes home from work. He is also able to ride his bike to work, now that our apartment is only 1.5 miles away!

Jessica is adjusting to being at home with Elijah all day by herself. It's definitely a task to chase a toddler around all day! And as the weather gets colder (we just had our first snow actually!), she's having to get even more creative to keep Elijah busy. We have been able to meet some new friends here in Eugene who have children, so that's been nice for Elijah and mama. Jessica has also been busy in the kitchen. She is soooo happy to have a kitchen that functions (that was one of the problems at Heart-Culture), and she has been baking breads, making ice cream, and making other simply things from scratch!

And finally Elijah, well he mainly poses for pictures all day, if you can't tell already ;) He has changed so much in just the last few months. He is doing more talking. He likes to try and repeat what we say. He also says most words that start with "B" like ball, balloon, baboon, bubble, etc. He actually hasn't gotten any more teeth, which is weird, but he is eating a lot of food now. He eats pretty much everything, but meat and cheese (with the exception of bacon and really expensive cheese, haha). Also, he is out of diapers!! You heard it, by about 17 months old (because we did EC), we stopped putting him in diapers because he is finally telling us when he needs to go potty! It's been pretty awesome! He is also loving playing instruments. He plays the guitar, the harmonica, the drums, the piano, etc. He also loves animals; one of the hardest things to leave at Heart-Culture were our chickens. We raised them for 8 weeks from day-old chicks and Elijah would give them kisses. It was super cute! Hopefully, someday soon, we will have some farm land and chickens again.

Until then, I will keep updating you all on our adventures in Eugene!

Posted by jessp2386 22:23 Archived in USA Tagged community new_beginnings changes Comments (2)

Whose Really in Control Here?

Becoming a Vessel for Spirit to Work Through Us

"Perfect obedience would be perfect happiness if only we had perfect confidence in the Power we were obeying.”
Hannah Whitall Smith

It’s Friday morning. One day after arriving in Portland, Oregon. We are sitting in a slightly dirty motel room. We are wondering what God has in store for us now. Knowing this is another test of faith, we still resist it slightly. We have no internet connection, no phone, and no way of knowing where to go or what to do; we are not in control. We can’t use our pop-up camper because of a city rule about RVs needing to be self-containing. We can’t find a tent campground; they’re either full or too far away. We are hungry too. It’s time for breakfast. So we start to drive. We have a very tiny map of Portland in our road atlas and try to decide which way to go, searching for a café…

Our journey up to now has brought us to this point, we know this. We know God is asking us to trust in Him to guide us to where we need to go. But man, it’s hard! All our programming tells us that we are in control of our lives. What are we doing?!? Why is it so hard to “let go” and let God lead us?

We’ll get back to this morning in just a minute. Let’s back up now, and bring you all up to speed, to how we got here in the first place. Last you heard, we were in Missouri. We had visited three different intentional communities, all very different from one another. We ultimately decided to keep journeying. We didn’t feel we were done yet. We really liked Sandhill Farm community in Missouri, and still may go back there to visit again, but felt called to check out one more community near Eugene, OR called Circle of Children. We’ll be headed there the beginning of August. Until then, we trucked it across the Great Plains and Rockies, visiting Yellowstone along the way, to make it to Spokane, Washington, where we would stay with Jessica’s family for a few weeks.

After a long and exhausting week traveling, we made it to Spokane. We were ready to take it easy for awhile, relax and let the grandparents smother Elijah with hugs and kisses. But alas! God had other plans for us, as we’ve become accustomed to now. Just as we thought we would relax in Florida when we came back from Peru, God decided we were not done learning and growing (and never will be). We won’t go into the details. Long story short, this whole journey up until now has been about ridding ourselves of our egos, attachments, and the illusion of control in our lives. We said in the beginning we were giving our lives up to follow God/Spirit wherever he may lead us, and He took us seriously.

If you’ve forgotten, we’ll sum it up nicely for you. First, we gave away or sold everything we owned, down to one backpack for the three of us. This got rid of our attachment to things, stuff, material possessions, plain and simple. Next, we left the country, our friends and family, the comforts of our “home” and everything familiar. That stripped us of many attachments, like TV, phones, the English language, our urban farm, our culture, etc. the list goes on as you can guess. Then, there were little lessons along the way, like when Jessica has a freak reaction to a sunburn that left her looking like Quasimodo for three days straight. If she had any attachment to how she looked, it was gone after that. Or one we didn’t mention yet, when Tracy got giardia for about two months, lost 20 pounds, and some days couldn’t get out of bed at all. If he was at all attached to a sense of strength, well-being, or “manliness,” it was definitely lost then. We’ve had little reminders from God that he is looking out for us and keeping us on our path. In Spokane, the message was the same. We needed to empty ourselves of our former identities, our egos. These are false senses of self and ultimately unfulfilling. What we needed was to get out of the way and let the Spirit fill us to make us whole again, truly whole, to be in touch with God. But all we felt at this point was empty.

Where was this Spirit that was supposed to fill us and where was God??

That’s when we really “let go” and cried out to God to fill us up with His love and His Spirit. We had little to nothing left. We couldn’t go any further trying to figure it out ourselves; we couldn’t doubt His plan for us anymore. We need God in our lives. And it was that simple. Of course, there are ups and downs to anything, good and bad days, but after that moment of ultimate surrender, life has been a little better every day. We know God is taking care of us, no matter what. That’s what Jesus was talking about when he said you must take up the cross and die each day. If ever a doubt, a negative thought, a worry comes into your mind, simply give it to God. And it really goes away!! We’re not kidding! For a long time, we were still holding onto this idea that we knew better, that we had to make a plan, but when you really give it all up to God, life is way easier!

Back to our story. We had just arrived in Portland and God was giving us the ultimate test of faith. What would we do in a situation where we forced to rely on God’s divine guidance? Would we panic? Would we stress out because we couldn’t look up a map, or Google a place to eat breakfast or stay the night? Would we just leave town because we could camp somewhere else instead? If you asked us a few months ago, the answer to those questions probably would have been, “Heck yes!” But no, we decided to stay relatively calm and let God literally guide us to where we needed to be.

So we drove. And ended up at a small café in NE Portland which (of course) didn’t have wifi. So we ate. And as we were eating and enjoying our breakfast, a little girl about Elijah’s age and her mother sat next to us. Naturally the toddlers brought us all into conversation. “How old is he?” “What’s her name?” You know, the usual.

Then silence.

Some believe that in every encounter we have with another human being there is a message for and from each individual, but it’s up to us to figure what those messages are.

Then just as they were getting ready to leave, the mother speaks up. “Do I know you from somewhere (to Jessica)? You look really familiar.”

Some also believe that when you recognize a stranger or get a sense that you know someone when you don’t, the Universe is trying to tell us something about the encounter. There is a message, a connection to be made, if we would just listen…

“No, we actually just got into town yesterday,” Jessica replies. It’s at this point that both of us knew that God was trying to work His magic through this conversation. After a little small talk about our current situation, the mother says with a slight hesitation, “I know this is a little weird, but we have an extra bedroom you could stay in.” And that was that.

So here we are now, staying with this wonderful little family. We ended up having so much in common with them, it can’t be a coincidence. This is Divine Intervention at its finest. We have children three weeks apart in age. We practice attachment parenting, like breastfeeding, cosleeping, etc. Okay so far, you could say that is just coincidence. We’re in Portland for one and lots of people do that here. But then it gets strange. They are also looking for intentional community, have very similar spiritual beliefs, want to live off the grid, and grow their own food! They actually just put a “meet up” request on meetup.com for fellow community seekers because they had recently been feeling so isolated from living and being with others.

So if that’s not proof that God exists and still works in our lives today, we don’t know what is. We’re convinced. And from now on, we’re giving every doubt, worry or problem over to God. We want to be vessels for God’s love and Spirit to work through us. He’s got a much better plan for our lives. Until next time!!

Elijah had his 1st Birthday

Hot Springs and Yellowstone


Posted by jessp2386 14:07 Archived in USA Tagged meditation family god yellowstone spirit spokane submission acceptance divine_intervention ego empty_vessel Comments (0)

(Entries 1 - 5 of 23) Page [1] 2 3 4 5 »