Know Thyself, Know God
I thought of this analogy today. God is the composer and conductor of the orchestra of Life. As the composer, I think it’s fairly self explanatory. He “composed” us; He made us and everything in this Universe. But then he gave us free will. This is where the conductor part comes in. The individual instruments and those playing them can do their own thing. They don’t have to follow what music was written for them and they don’t have to pay attention to the conductor guiding them. However, when they don’t, the music sounds awful and there is no harmony. When they do listen to the conductor and play their individual piece to the flow of the entire orchestra, the most beautiful music can be produced. The same goes for Life. We have free will and can do whatever we want. But when we choose to align our will with God’s will, it truly is so much better. How do I know this? Because I am experiencing it. I feel as if every moment is a gift from God. I don’t have to worry because I know Spirit is flowing through me. I am floating effortlessly through Life, with total faith and surrender, as I dance and play my music in the orchestra that is this Universe. I can actually feel the vibrations of love as they flow through me and touch others. I am elated, even as I do simple tasks, like make tortillas or play with Elijah. Nothing can phase me or throw me off my melody because I am truly One with God, the Creator, and I am paying attention to the Conductor of Life.
Now I am not perfect either. Far from it, actually. There are days when I don’t feel like this. Yet, this feeling of Oneness and Divine Love is becoming more and more the norm, not the fleeting exception. However, when I don’t feel the love, and my old habits sneak in, the difference now is, I don’t beat myself up over it. I let it go and love myself anyway. That’s being human, right? We make mistakes and we learn from them. I don’t dwell on them and I definitely don’t let them run my life or define me. It’s the most empowering feeling in the world. To know that I can choose how I feel and can choose what I let into my consciousness. At any moment, I can choose to align myself with God, again and again, however often I mess up. God is always forgiving, and now, so am I.
So how did I get to this point? It’s been a long journey, to say the least. We traveled to Peru and back, and then across the whole United States, and we actually weren’t much closer to finding our perfect place to live or to finding God. So what happened? We stopped traveling and settled in an apartment in Eugene, OR. When we finally stopped searching outside of ourselves, the only place left to look was within ourselves. So that’s what I did. I had always known, in my head, that “happiness only comes from within,” but I didn’t know it at all with my heart or my soul. Now I finally understand what that means.
Happiness really does only come from within!
I was never going to be happy anywhere, until I could be happy wherever I was.
I emptied myself of my attachments and deflated my ego along our journey, only to feel quite empty and hopeless. It was at this moment (which was actually like a 3-6 month period), that I could be truly filled with Spirit. And once that happens, real happiness and real love could fill my entire Being and Soul. Again, this actually didn’t happen in one single aha! moment, but many fleeting ones. Until finally, I was able to start reprogramming my body, mind, and soul to be in alignment with one another and to reflect my true values and God’s Will on a daily basis. It took time and effort to actively “catch” negative thought patterns. It took a “letting go” of old, unconscious reactions to trigger situations. It took practice to be present, checking every thought and feeling. But it couldn’t be done without God, Spirit, inside of me, fueling me from within. The calming Presence of Spirit was finally able to shine through enough to help overcome years of unconscious programmed living. It’s through constant prayer, calling on Spirit moment by moment (even for the smallest of things, like opening a jar), daily meditation, and positive affirmations that I am finally seeing results of my “work,” which is actually more of un-work, more of a surrendering, a giving in to Spirit. I am finally realizing what it means to be a co-creator with God. He made us into creators, in His image, but not to create on our own, but through Him.
I believe our reality will reflect the quality of the questions we ask in Life. If we ask to know Jesus, we’ll know Jesus. If we ask to know Krishna, we’ll know Krishna. If we ask, “Why me?!” we’ll surely suffer. If we ask for a “good” job and money, that’s what we’ll get too. And so on, it goes. Jesus said, “Ask and you shall receive.” He wasn’t joking. If we ask to know the Source of All Life, we will know it. I didn’t realize that at the beginning of my journey, I actually said in our first blog postings that we were asking to find the Source of All Life, God, the Creator. I don’t think I realized what an enormous undertaking that would include. There has been much suffering and learning involved. And I am far, far from done. I have asked a question that will continue to be answered for the rest of this Life. I feel like I am learning new things every single day and it is so exciting. I have a passion for life right now that it sometimes brings me to tears in the most random times. I am truly happy with myself, with my life, with everyone around me, with this exact moment. Words cannot convey the “fire in my belly” that I am feeling! I wish that every single person and being on this planet could experience this. I feel compelled to share it with the world. I believe this is what Jesus was taking about when he said that we could be like Him, and that He wanted us to make disciples in His way. I heard somewhere that Jesus didn’t actually hang out with prostitutes and beggars because He didn’t see prostitutes and beggars. He saw the Divinity in everyone and everything around Him. We can be like that too.
Imagine a world where everyone was completely free to truly do exactly what they loved, what they are really passionate about, what makes them feel as if time stands still. Imagine what the world would be like if we all played our unique instrument in the orchestra of Life. It would be a much different world than the one we live in now. Right now, it sounds like chaos, but I am beginning to hear a slight melody arising. Things are changing. We are not all here to do the same thing or play the same instrument, but we all are here for a purpose and we all have a place in the Orchestra. I know this world is possible because I can imagine it. And that’s where it starts, with an idea. Everything in this world started with an idea. So even if you don’t have an idea and can’t imagine this world I speak of, you can always ask a question. What if everyone had unlimited possibilities and potential available to them to live out their wildest dreams, right now? What would that world look like?
So without further ado, we have some big news. We are moving to northern Missouri to live on five acres of land, near the Possibility Alliance, an intentional community we visited last May. We are being given the opportunity to live our dream of homesteading, living simply, and being One with God's Creation. We are so excited, and yet sad to be leaving Eugene. We truly enjoyed our time here, and have made live-long friends, who will hopefully be able to visit us someday on our farm. This is where we'll be able to live out everything we learned along this inward journey. We won't have many of the comforts of modern living and it will be difficult, to say the least, but we know this is our call, our purpose in this life. We need to live "Spirit Embodied in the Flesh." The ultimate human experience for us is one of both the Divine and the Earth. We will only have God to rely on and we are excited. Our convictions of living off the land, reducing our carbon footprint, "living locally to support globally," and to serve God's greatest Creation, Nature, are finally emerging into our reality. Once we let Spirit fill us, we knew it was only a matter of time. We had complete faith that the perfect piece of land would come to us, and it did. To be honest, we didn't think it would be in Missouri, but that's the exciting part of all of this. You never know what God's up to! He always has something better for us than we could ever imagine. So the next chapter for us is about to begin, in one short month, we'll be heading back to Missouri, where all of this started for. We'll come full circle physically, but spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, we are forever changed.
Here's some pictures to remember Eugene with!